the invisible skill of seeing yourself clearly
Recently, I realized there is an epidemic going around—most people truly knows themselves the way they should. My friend told me that when she isn’t prompted to have thoughts, she just doesn’t. As in, she’s always conscious and aware of her surroundings. She just rolls with life. I could not relate any less. I’m always thinking, especially about myself. I’m obsessed with self-discovery and connecting the dots—my shower thoughts are just never-ending clarity-building sessions. My friend says that because she never feels the urge to reflect on past situations or self-evaluate, she isn’t confident that she knows herself. Sometimes, I think I know myself too well. What’s the balance?
The goal is peace—those who struggle with anxiety, ruminating thoughts, and overthinking know what I mean. We want freedom from our own minds. We want to let go of the need to solve or figure out what we can’t control. For those who under-think? They already live in a state of peace; they don’t have irrelevant-to-the-moment thoughts to entertain. It’s a beautiful thing, really, to be secure enough with yourself to not have to dwell on anything. But does peace have to come at the cost of depth? And I don’t mean depth as in the opposite of surface-level—I mean that just because you’re level-headed doesn’t mean you truly know your worth and how to advocate for yourself. I’m learning more and more that the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle—we aren’t meant to be constantly introspecting ourselves as addicting as it might feel. We are meant to feel alive, enjoying life moment by moment.
For those that can relate to my friend, let’s unpack where this comes from. If you avoid or simply don’t think to think about things, you probably grew up being the kid that your parents “didn’t have to worry about.” You probably learned from an early age that all that matters is accomplishing what you need to for the day and that’s it. Maybe, you internalized that self-assessment was a bore or a waste of time. Or, deep down, maybe you are avoiding confronting your own demons. Either way, there is no such thing as “this is just how I am.”
Having a strong sense of self is key for confidence, self-trust, and ultimately, knowing your worth. By simply going with whatever comes your way, you gain a powerful, grounded approach to life, but you also lose yourself and your standards in the process. You can practice leaning closer to the sweet spot. How? I recommend scheduling a daily dose of voice memos. Yes, I mean record yourself talking. Let it all out. I’ve been doing that my whole life. If you don’t know what to talk about, that’s the point. Let the thoughts flow. Since you don’t intuitively think about yourself, you must take initiative. You have to view this task as self-care, as something that is crucial for personal development and growth, which we all want right? So, be intentional and prioritize it.
And for those that relate to me—my layered thinkers that tend to emote their thoughts and think their emotions instead of the other way around, I recommend journaling. Sounds simple and cliché, but brains like ours need solid output to compartmentalize. I find that when I let out everything lingering in the back burner onto a page or three, I empty the tank. As a result, there isn’t leftover water boiling all day, slowly filling until it overflows. I can focus. I’m clear. And then, by the next day, the tank doesn’t have as much in it to dump out.
The goal of this post is to inspire you to ask yourself: are you like me or my friend, or are you already somewhere in the middle? No matter where you fall, you too can achieve the goal: get to know yourself really well while protecting your inner peace.
