i wish i didn’t understand people, so my mind would be less worried and in peace

Being an empath is not for the weak. When you hold meta-awareness of the world, you are able to see through every layer of every situation, even when you don’t want to know what’s there. You see the truth of each wound, emotion, and motivation. It’s heavy work, but only those who have survived the pits of hell can earn the wisdom that comes with understanding humans at their core.

Unfortunately, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, whether they deserve it or not. The thing is, we’re all either a projection of our conditioning, or a reflection of who we want to become. Or both, because integrating spiritual awareness is not an overnight accomplishment. When someone I cared about made me feel shitty about myself, I didn’t hold it against them. I knew exactly where that behavior came from. It’s hard to stay angry when you know they simply haven’t done their internal work yet. And there’s no revenge, because they will be forced to look inward one day.

I used to have absolutely no concept of self-worth. I was the most insecure person on the planet, convinced I never deserved happy feelings. Whenever I’d catch a sliver of safety or hope, the eery feeling that I knew too well would snatch it away from me. That’s deep, I know. But that version of me is gone. What changed was the way I interpreted people.

I stopped viewing others as mirrors of what was “wrong” with me, and started seeing them as mirrors of their own unhealed parts. Let me explain.

When a friend would shut me down, give judgmental advice, or say something backhanded, I used to assume that I was the problem—too much, too sensitive, too dramatic. I thought their reactions were proof that I needed to manage their perception of me. I saw people as a way to provide me with a false identity because I didn’t have the capacity to discover that myself.

At a certain point, I flipped a switch. Well, it wasn’t an overnight switch. I spent months doing internal work, which gifted me hyperawareness and a strong sense of self. I now know who I am, and I actually like who she is. Now I understand projection so clearly that I can’t take most things personally. My awareness sets me free, because I don’t blame people anymore. I understand why people say the things they do. It’s not about them treating you according to how they feel about you—it’s more about being treated based on the capacity they have for you, and many barely even have a capacity for themselves.

I don’t view anyone as above me, and I don’t view anyone as below me. This mindset shift single handedly changed my life. I’ve had managers say some pretty harsh things, and they’ll back it up with: I like you because you don’t take things personally. They’re half right: I’m comfortable with myself now, so their words don’t land. Not deeply, anyway. I still get triggered, but I don’t let those comments seep into my subconscious. When someone lashes out from insecurity, my BS detector goes off like crazy. I can see clearly that their comments are just their attempt to defend trauma without having to address it.

At the end of the day, people just want to be heard and seen. Until then, they want you to feel how they feel about themselves, which is usually never good.

As for me, it’s pretty exhausting being the person who always understands. I feel like a punching bag for other people’s avoided trauma—meanwhile, they get to live on autopilot, causing chaos and never noticing the ripple effect. They hear what they want to hear and project the rest. But their avoidance is not mine to carry.

I just wish everyone would wake up to themselves so we could treat each other with more care. But there’s a reason we’re not all there yet.

Until then, I’ll keep navigating human messiness with compassion and boundaries, hoping the world catches up someday.