why we buy who we want to be

You don’t buy $7 lattes every morning because it’s the best coffee in the world. You buy them as a way of pretending to be someone who casually buys $7 lattes. You’re not exactly chasing the caffeine rush. You’re chasing the dopamine that comes from holding a fun drink as you strut down an overcrowded sidewalk to the office, knowing your morning just got a bit brighter now that you have something to sip on. You feel put together. You feel adult (yes, that’s an adjective now). And suddenly, ready to take on the world.

Let’s zoom out. When you splurge on a pricey top at Free People, you’re not purchasing for practicality. You’re purchase for the feeling that top offers—confidence, security, individuality, control. You feel empowered wearing something that reflects you inside and out—something that allows the world to view you the way you wish to view yourself. Because when we buy things, we’re never really purchasing just an item. We purchase self-validation.

Every purchase we make is a small token contributing to the whole we’re subconsciously creating: our ideal, highest selves.

Let’s zoom out even more. While studying consumer behavior in my advertising classes at Boston University, I realized the insights I uncovered dug a whole lot deeper than demographics or even psychographics. To truly understand consumers, you have to view them on a soul level. What they want is to mold a solid sense of self. They want to build their identity and own it. Even if they don’t realize it or can’t put it into words, that’s what’s happening.

Consumers buy according to the vibe they want to give off, the aesthetic they want to portray, the lifestyle they want to live. Basically, every time we justify a purchase we know we don’t need but want, we’re actually just creating our dream lives by literally becoming our dream selves. Every brand we choose to align with says something we wish others could see, or that we wish we could believe about ourselves. The skincare we use, the gym we go to, the groceries we buy—they’re all extensions of our inner worlds.

Tangible, luxurious items (whatever luxury means to you) allow us to preview our own future. The short-term dopamine rush as we tap our chip acts as a portal to the feeling having it all. We get all giddy, which is really a taste of empowerment from doing something our highest self would do. I mean, what’s more empowering and adrenaline-rushing than living your truth, while also adding a cute new piece to your wardrobe?

And what does this mean for marketing? We all know brands cater to what their audience wants, but that perspective tends to be limited to what they want today. The consumer journey mirrors a life cycle: we grow with the brands we choose to align with. When the consumer evolves, their brands should evolve with them.

Brands—I’m talking to you now. It’s not about who your consumer is now. It’s about who they want to be. Because that’s where the real magic of consumer insights lives.

And maybe that’s why good branding feels like coming home to a version of ourselves we’ve been chasing all along.